I Must Be Dreaming

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I just saw The Maine play live for the second time in my life. The excited feeling and adrenaline is still pumping through me even if it was three days ago and I haven’t felt this alive in years. I’ve known this band for so long and seeing them live again with my friends and siblings was very special to me and the experience that came with it is one that I will never ever forget. It even happened on a weekend!

Six months ago, The Maine announced a solo show here in the Philippines and my Twitter feed kind of broke that day and I think that’s beautiful. I immediately felt the familiar feeling of being stuck waiting and anticipating for this one band from Phoenix that changed and saved my life a couple of times and then I started counting down the days with my friends.

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Days went very fast and I just saw that it was the second week of June already and we haven’t got any tickets yet. My friends and I agreed to buy tickets together but it looked like none of us wanted to go first and initiate, until we agreed to meet at the venue, at the show day, with all of us not holding any tickets in our hands. The fun part of the whole waiting was we worked it all out. I’m not going into detail but the important part was that we enjoyed the show without us stressing and struggling. It’s like the tickets came to us in a moment of need and we just realized that now.

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The entire set was awesome, sweaty and I did a lot of screaming and dancing and I didn’t care that my arms and legs hurt because of all the thrashing and jumping. The Maine never fails to amaze me. They even played songs from their old albums which I thought that some of the new fans haven’t heard of yet and I wish that they try because you can really see the growth of this band even just by listening. They played some new songs and everyone just lost it in the pit, it was wonderful to watch and be a part of it. They played some of my favorite songs like (Un)Lost, Like We Did, We All Roll Along, Raining in Paris and of course, Another Night on Mars. We were all chanting for them to play Saving Grace but even if John sang just the first line of the song, it just made my night, heck, it even made my year! They’re a band that not a lot of people know about, maybe people have listened to a song or two and that’s it. They’re so good playing live and they’re very humble people. I wish more people listened to them.

Emotions flooded through me right after Another Night on Mars because I never thought I’m ever gonna love a band as much as I love them. It’s true that I always feel like I belong and that I can be myself in every concert I went to but it’s different with them, it feels like home, always. My friends and I hugged each other during the Mars and I was getting emotional then, because in my mind, I’m never gonna have a moment like this ever again so I might as well hug them and kiss the people who make me feel less alien and silently thanking The Maine for bringing us together from the start. I didn’t ugly cry like the last time they went here, though. I just focused on singing my heart out with my left arm around my sister’s shoulder and my right hand waving up in the air, swinging and giving in to the bliss.

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A day after the show, I wrote on my journal, and right after writing I realized that I spent a whole page and more paper on that day only. I’ve never spent a whole page in one day, even when I travel. That page became colorful and alive. It’s so unbelievable to think that a simple thing can add color someone’s life, someone like me who considered giving up on life and still has no idea what to do. When you look at it, it’s not much but for me who is not that artistic, I think I did a good job. I also wrote at the back of that flowery paper and attached it on the page and I filled it with colorful memories that I will remember for the rest of my life. 🙂

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“It’s about a number you can’t explain but you don’t really have to because the people you love already feel it too.”

**Concert photos are from Philippine Concerts. My photos are way too blurry and shaky, and I don’t regret one bit. So yeah, I’m gonna go reminisce and cry now.

❤  Pauline

It Feels Great

Oh, how it feels to feel!

How truly lucky I am to just feel.

To feel it all.

To feel pain, to feel sadness, to feel joy, to feel anger.

 

For a second there I forgot how fortunate I really am.

Forgot about the energy in my bloodstream.

That violent, unrestricted energy that moves me.

Moves me to scream, and dance, and sing

To fight and fornicate, to kiss and make up.

That feverish, relentless energy that takes me to where I want to go.

I say, “there” and I’m “there”

You say “where” and we’re half way around the world.

 

And to think…

 

The beauty of my body is only half that of my brain!

How flawlessly we fit together.

Awfully flawless.

I see things in color

I smell flowers in the springtime

I hear babies cry and airplanes fly and lectures from those who raised me,

I decide things and create things and take one thing and turn it into some other thing.

I panic about my future,

I regret things I’ve done in the past,

I love and I lust and I hope and I pray that I don’t ever fail to remember,

How great it feels to just feel.

Poem by John O’Callaghan


This poem is one of my favorites and I’m so glad I get to share it with you. As I’ve mentioned on my previous post, John has like a side project called Sincerely, John The Ghost and it consists of a physical book and a 6-song digital EP. You can listen to it on Spotify. 🙂

❤  Pauline

Go The F*ck To Sleep

PrincessAuroraSleeps

Do you ever just watch as the clock tick by, seconds turn into minutes and try not to think about anything and just get some rest? Do you ever just close your eyes and hope that sleep will just come visit you early that night but then insomnia came over instead? Do you ever just toss and turn on your bed for hours thinking why? If you’ve never experienced these things then you’re lucky.

The purpose of this post is to share my own experience/s with sleep and I trust you not to fall asleep on me. 🙂

Continue reading Go The F*ck To Sleep

Gelo

 

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aes·thet·ic noun: the artistic or beautiful qualities of something

There’s always something about the night. Its dark and quiet surroundings just makes you think. Then there’s the stars and the ambient lights that glows naturally without doing any effort, with the crickets making their sounds that just balances everything. That’s why Gelo and I decided to shoot at night.

Continue reading Gelo

chamsicles

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This girl in the yellow shirt is Chams

It is often that I meet someone that likes portrait photography as much as I do. It is nice to have her practice it with me and so we’ve decided to do our second photo shoot. Yes, we did our first one already and it was a blast. At first it was awkward for me because I was very shy and I am not used to getting my pictures taken. I think we both felt that way at first, we’re beginners.

Continue reading chamsicles

It’s Kind Of A Funny Story

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“It’s so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself.”

This first sentence from the book was all it took for me to dive in.

Story

The story is about Craig, a 16-year-old student from an executive high school in New York. He is determined to succeed in life, to get perfect grades, get into a college that he wants, and to raise a family. By doing so, he was overcome by pressure and anxiety. He stops eating, and sleeping and then depression hits, he nearly kills himself. He then checked himself in the hospital where he wasn’t treated like a sick patient. He met some people who has inspired and changed him along the way.

Thoughts

There are books that I like then there are books like these. They make me feel things that I cannot explain. I just get so hooked on it that I finish them in just one sitting. It was written that the author also spent his time in a mental ward and it just makes the story even more interesting, knowing that he also experienced what the character experienced. There are some parts of the book that didn’t make sense to me, for instance, his thoughts on eating and other patients’ illnesses but there are other parts that stick to me, like him making a brain map and his thoughts in general, they still make me remember and think. I can relate at some point, maybe I just feel sympathetic about that character. The setting was also very intriguing. The author made me feel as though I’ve been there, and being a white collar worker, I’ve had my own hospital experiences and it’s nothing like in the book. There are no identical characters, every one is different and that’s what I also liked about it.

I remember the first time I watched the movie adaptation of this book, I was moved by it even if I didn’t get a chance to see the beginning part. I often experience this by watching a movie the first time so that was a good feeling. After that movie, it got me thinking and then I researched about it and I found out that it was from a book by an author who has an unforgettable name and story, Ned Vizzini. I collected most of his books and to this day, I still try not to cry remembering him, knowing that I will never get a chance to have my books signed by him. This book serves as an inspiration to me in every way. This isn’t just a book about suicide or depression. This book helped me through tough times, when losing someone and growing up, facing the challenges. I have shared this book to people who are close to me and to people who were also intrigued. There’s nothing I’d like more than to share one of my favorites to other people and I will continue to do so.

✨ Pauline